I really don’t know what to say…..

I know right?!  If you know me even a little you are probably thinking that you have just witnessed a miracle.  Me….not knowing what to say….The truth is I know exactly what I want to say!

If you have ever happened to click on the about tab you will see that I am doing this because I DO BELIEVE that God is going to use me.  Maybe not in this moment, or this hour, or whatever fill in the blank that would make sense!

I am doing this because I want God to know that I am faithful.

Even if no one ever reads this!

It does not matter.

Truth be told I may be the one who gets the most out of what God has put on my fingertips.

I have said this before but I MUST say it again….GOD SPEAKS….we MUST listen!

See….I really don’t know what to say!

However, what I am about to say is about to come at you from what I feel GOD, MY SAVIOR, MY LOVE, is pouring out of me right now.  For me.  If you happen to wonder upon a page called bacon and beet juice then perhaps God will use this to touch you.  That is one of my many prayers about this post.  Please, however, be warned.  There will not be much proof reading.  If it has a red line under it, I will change it….or get it close to a word that sounds right!

When God moves….what are you going to do?  Are you going to sit there on your hands?  Are you going to listen to the DOUBT?  Are you going to crumble with fear?

Been there…Done that!

So this past weekend I was apart of something very special.  I was apart of the New River Valley Walk To Emmaus  Number 63, Table Of Mark.

I spent 72 hours away from my family.  At the start I was scared!  Fact is I was terrified!  At that point I did not know why.  Yeah yeah…of course the fact that you know nothing about what you have signed up for scared me too.  Truth is, I spent 72 hours with Men in CHRIST, 72 hours in Worship, 72 hours finding out just how much I am LOVED!

Don’t worry, I am not going to give anything away…..

But what I will tell you is that if you have grown up in a church setting, church camp setting, mens retreat setting, or whatever, and have been offered the ability to search your soul as to what God is telling you….WOW.  I have been to that alter many times.  Many of my sins I have confessed, ALL of my sins have been washed away!  This weekend was different.  As I examined my heart I started to see it….Remember my fear and doubt from before???  Ding Ding Ding…you got it!  God had revealed to me my fear, my doubt, my sense that I was incomplete!  Whoa….Whoa….I am telling you people!  So go ahead…ask it…What was I afraid of, what did I doubt, and what was incomplete about me?

Ok….I will tell you…

Fear.  I was sooooo sooooo afraid that I would fail my family as being the spiritual leader in my home.  I was afraid that I would be financial failure.  I was afraid to step out of a comfort zone….yeah I know….that might be the biggest shocker…but I gotta keep it real!  Fact is, I was still that scared, afraid little boy I was when my dad died.

Doubt.  I constantly doubted myself.  In so many ways.  I doubted many of the same things I feared.

Incomplete.  I pray you do not understand this, but I pray even harder if you do that your eyes will be opened and your heart strings will be a tuggin’…..The doubt builds on top of the fear and eventually it leaves you feeling incomplete.  I felt like a constant failure….Ok God….I hear ya…So yeah, let me tell you a story.  It was a Wednesday, whatever day it was that they come around and shut off your water….(oh, are you getting where this is going?).  Kristy calls me at work and says…our water is off (she thought the pipes were frozen, but deep down I knew better).  Of course what I heard was…our water is not working, that would take the blame from me to the greater good of the water department.  “oh, no!” i said “well I know I paid it, let me look real quick and I can tell you”…….Nope……I didn’t…..Money was there, but I simply overlooked it.  Now Kristy was awesome, she did not get mad, frustrated, or anything to make me feel like I had failed.  Nope, I was doing a good enough job of that….OR SO I THOUGHT.  Fact is it was not me, it was SATAN.  I am telling you I felt that a loser and a failure.  It was not the first time I had lost that battle.




Satan was about to get a kick in crotch….

I gave that up.  At the foot of the CROSS JESUS took those heavy boulders I was too blind to see that I had been carrying around for so long!  Let me tell you right now people, or person, or screen….I have no more fear, no more doubt, and IN JESUS’ NAME I AM MADE COMPLETE…..AMEN!!!!!

You want to talk about some belly fire….whoa boy, let me tell you.

Can I just tell you, that the sky was bluer, the grass was greener, and GOD….GOD….MY SWEET SAVIOR had removed all the crud and replaced it with LOVE.  Let me scream it people, person, or screen.  I AM LOVED.  Truth is, I have always been loved.  I had just let all that crud over power everything else.  But LOVE.  WOW.  I encountered countless acts of love in 72 hours.  If you have been there, you know what I am talking about, if you have never been, you should, and if you are going, then…..don’t anticipate!

Let me just say this so there is no fear, doubt, or incomplete thought…..


Yes….oh yes, I will fall, but I will get right back up  AMEN!

So when I went later that night to alter, I sat there….You know what I did not feel?  Man you all are getting good….No fear, No doubt, No feelings of incompleteness.  You know what I did feel?  Peace!  I had not felt  like that before.  I did go up to that alter, praise God, and recommit my life and my family to CHRIST!

Oh brothers and sister, if you are still with me, Bless you!  I know it has been a bumpy grammatical error after another but there is much more to the story and it all occurred within less than 24 hours of my walk….

It will have to wait till later for me to explain…..

Don’t anticipate




6 thoughts on “I really don’t know what to say…..

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s